Donation Request Letters Need Suspense To Keep Donor Attention

How would your next fundraising letter perform ifAnd as you continue the letter, you uncover a
Agatha Christie wrote it?conflict. The medicine that treats tuberculosis is
"Alan," you're whispering, "Agatha Christie is dead."too expensive in Bangladesh. Patients die because
"I know," say I. "But I'm trying to make a pointthey cannot afford their cure. You read on.
here. So bear with me."You find another conflict--drug manufacturers are
Agatha Christie is the world's best-knowndiscontinuing some drugs because they are no
mystery writer and, apart from Williamlonger profitable in the Third World.
Shakespeare, is the all-time best-selling author ofYou read on. Find another conflict.
any genre. Christie knew how to write novels thatThirty-nine multinational drug companies are suing
hooked readers right to the last page. The toolthe government of South Africa to prevent its
she used was suspense.attempts to provide affordable treatment to
Include some suspense in your fundraising lettersaffected South Africans.
and you'll make them more powerful.These conflicts, added one after the other, build
To add suspense, you need a problem, somesuspense. How will Doctors Without Borders ever
conflict and a goal. You begin your letter with yourtreat Mohammad and save his life unless the
problem. You show how this problem is in theorganization can get its hands on affordable
way of you and your organization reaching yourmedicines? How will the story end? The reader
goal. During your letter, you introduce somewants to know. So the reader reads on.
conflicts (difficulties) that your donor must helpSure enough, the writer soon resolves the
you resolve.problem and ends the suspense:
You don't ask for a donation in your opening line."In the enclosed brochure, you'll see that the
Or even in your opening paragraph. That wouldproblem requires a threefold solution: legal and
spoil the ending.regulatory, economic, and research and
Instead, you hook your reader, preferably with adevelopment. Doctors Without Borders is working
story, and add conflict here and there so thaton all three of these pillars. But we need your help
your reader has to continue reading to see howto continue. With your renewed support this year,
things turn out. Here is an example of an openingwe will continue to pursue our campaign to
from a fundraising letter mailed by Doctorsprovide access to essential medicines on a
Without Borders:long-term basis."
"One day, when I was Medical Coordinator forThe problem is patients dying of a treatable
Doctors Without Borders refugee camps indisease. The goal is to raise funds to provide
Bangladesh, a nurse pulled me aside and askedaccess to essential medicines. The donor is invited
me to follow her. She led me to a small hut, andto make that goal a reality with a donation.
we went inside. A tall, emaciated man lay on aFollow this pattern of problem-conflict-goal in your
thin pad on the floor. We greeted one anotherletters and you'll build the kind of suspense that
and exchanged pleasantries. Then the nursemade Agatha Christie the second-best-selling
turned to me. 'This is Mohammad,' she said, 'He isauthor of any genre. You'll hook your readers and
35 and dying of tuberculosis. I see him regularlykeep them hooked right to the end of your letter.
and have to explain to him why we cannot treatYou'll set before them a puzzle that they want to
him. I thought you should meet him.'"solve. If you can begin your appeal letters with a
There's the problem, clearly stated. Patients arecorpse discovered in the back parlour, all the
dying of a treatable disease. But why are thebetter.
patients dying? Why aren't they being treated?© 2006 Sharpe Copy Inc.
You must continue the letter to find out.