| Movies have been made for decades -- many of | | | | "Sir, No, Sir!" |
| them involve a bomb being deactivated. When I | | | | "Then why are you still standing here, Lieutenant?" |
| see a scene in which a bomb is deactivated 1-3 | | | | "Sir, I'll go start the dialing sequence immediately!" |
| seconds before it's about to explode, I'm not | | | | Within minutes, Lieutenant Jefferson has the |
| impressed by the script writing. If I ever write a | | | | Stargate online and a wormhole open. He calls |
| screenplay that includes a scene in which a bomb | | | | down to Major Davenport, "Sir, I've established a |
| has to be deactivated, creativity will be my | | | | stable connection with an uninhabited planet." |
| primary objective. In my story, the bomb will | | | | "Good job, Lieutenant." |
| have one wire. That wire will be cut and the timer | | | | As the Lieutenant watches him, he realizes |
| will stop. The timer's digital display will read no less | | | | something has just gone horribly wrong. The |
| than sixteen hundred seconds remaining. | | | | Stargate shuts off automatically, and he races |
| My idea lacks suspense, but it contains originality. | | | | down to the Major. |
| I'm confident I'll be able to write some intensity | | | | "Major, that was the turkey." |
| into the remaining 118 minutes of the film. I have | | | | "What are you saying, Lieutenant?" |
| ideas for other methods of building an original | | | | "You sent the turkey millions of lightyears from |
| sequence of events into a script. For your reading | | | | here, but the bomb is still here, and I think it's |
| enjoyment, I present you with an excerpt of | | | | about to explode." |
| thoughts from my head. | | | | "May God have mercy on our souls." |
| "Major Davenport, permission to speak freely?" | | | | The Lieutenant walks over to the bomb, switching |
| "Can it wait Lieutenant Jefferson? I'm trying to | | | | the alarm clock to the off position. The timer |
| deactivate this bomb." | | | | shuts off. The General suddenly enters the room. |
| "No sir, I don't believe it can wait, Sir." | | | | "Lieutenant, I was just about to eat the lunch I |
| "Very well, Lieutenant, go ahead." | | | | ordered. The cook says he had it delivered it here |
| "Major, Sir, that's not a bomb. That's a turkey, | | | | from the mess hall. Have you seen a turkey |
| Sir." | | | | anywhere?" |
| "What did you say, Lieutenant?" | | | | The Major steps in, "General, the meat |
| "Sir, that's a turkey, Sir." | | | | thermometer showed that it was undercooked. |
| "A turkey? Good Lord, Lieutenant, who would | | | | The Lieutenant and I agreed that sending it to |
| plant a bomb inside a turkey?" | | | | another planet would be the best course of action |
| "No, Major, I mean that's only a turkey. The | | | | to keep you safe, and we sent the turkey to |
| bomb is over there, next to the device that looks | | | | where it couldn't harm anyone." |
| like an alarm clock." | | | | "Good work, Major! Lieutenant... Jefferson is it?" |
| "Lieutenant, I swear if you're wrong I'll have you | | | | "Sir, Yes, General Stevens!" |
| cleaning toilets until you're so high from the fumes | | | | "Lieutenant Jefferson, I think I see a promotion |
| that you'll need a parachute to get back down!" | | | | coming your way." |
| "Sir, I'm quite sure, Major, Sir." | | | | "Sir, thank you, Sir!" |
| "Lieutenant, look at this timer! There's only 100 | | | | "Lieutenant, why are you sweating?" |
| seconds before this bomb goes off!" | | | | "Sir, I was in the immediate vicinity of the turkey, |
| "Sir, that's not a timer, Sir. That's a meat | | | | which was about 100 degrees Fahrenheit at the |
| thermometer. The internal core temperature is | | | | time when we disposed of it, General!" |
| slowly dropping, but I can say with absolute | | | | "I see. Well, why don't you hit the showers, then |
| certainty that the turkey won't explode. With all | | | | you and the Major report to my office in one |
| due respect, Sir, I suggest we call in a bomb | | | | hour for a debriefing." |
| disposal unit." | | | | The General walks away, as Major Davenport |
| "I have a better idea, Lieutenant Jefferson. Fire up | | | | turns to the Lieutenant, and with a smile on face |
| the Stargate." | | | | says, "All's well that ends well, eh, Lieutenant?" |
| "Sir?" | | | | "Sir, yes, Sir! |
| "You have a hearing problem, Mister?" | | | | |