Why Fiction Writers Are CRAZY!

It's the characters that do it!watching."
It's not so much the characters that you keep in"Yes. That was me and you cut me out. Why"
a story but the ones you kick out."You were a distraction from the plot. I had to
Writers must edit their work.get rid of you."
There is always a lot of worthless junk amiss the"You could have used me somewhere else in the
beautiful framework of a potentially good story.novel. You could have given me a name."
If you don't take it out, your editor will.I said, "I could have done a lot of things."
Those of us who are not lucky enough to haveWhile she was sniffling in her handkerchief I said,
an editor must do it ourselves or no editor will"How about Mildred?"
ever read the story."No! That is a horrible name!"
I was editor for an international trade magazineI said, "I was naming you after my cousin." I tried
for a couple of years. I quit when I found that itto look hurt.
was interfering with my retirement."I'm sorry," she said. "Mildred will do if you call me
With a trade magazine you can write and writeMillie."
and never have a character jump out at you.I said, "Fine! Now get out of here. I've got work
That is not true if you are writing a novel.to do."
The other day I had a character drop in fromShe didn't leave. She said, "Do you ever revive
Bone China. She was only in Bone China for athe characters you cut?"
minute. Detective Richard Lacey and hisI pushed her away from me and said, "Of course,
sweetheart had hiked up to Little Round Top onMillie. I took Peter Ott from Bull when he got out
the Gettysburg battlefield.of hand and used him in Revenge on the Mogollon
Puff, puff!Rim. He was the protagonist."
That's where the character got into the story.Millie said, "Oh Taylor, will you do that for me.
She wore a tank top and shorts. Her hair wasWrite a novel with me the protagonist. Please!"
auburn and her eyes were green. She spoke withI said, "No!"
a British accent.She sipped on her lemonade and asked, "Why
She startled me when she crept up behind me.not? You don't like me, do you, Taylor."
"I'm very angry with you!" is what she said."I don't know that much about you," I said. "I
I said, "What! Who are you?"never developed you as a character. Now scram!"
I'm No Name from Bone China.Millie was crying when she left. She appeared
"I don't know what in the heck you're talkingoutside my window and blew me a kiss. I closed
about. Get a glass of lemonade, get it off yourthe shade as she disappeared in the morning mist.
chest, and get out."Now you know why I stopped writing novels.
You've got to be tough with lost characters.Actually the reason was that my computer
She said, "Little Round Top."bombed with a Microsoft Service Pack II
I said, "And?"download and I lost Showdown at Diablo. Now
"You had me in the scene where Richard Laceythere is one heck of a bunch of angry characters
came puffing up the hill, right behind his secretary."and they carry shillelaghs, coupsticks, guns, and
I said, "Oh, I remember now. You are the oneknives!copyright©John T. Jones, Ph.D.
who accused Lacey of disturbing your bird